Romance scams are becoming increasingly sophisticated and heartbreakingly common. In 2024 alone, the FBI reported in its Internet Crime Report that nearly $400 million was stolen from people aged 60 and older through scams that may begin with a simple message like: “Hi, I think you’re really special.”
These scams are not always easy to spot, especially when they unfold slowly over months. For older and dependent adults who may be isolated, grieving, or experiencing cognitive changes, a scammer’s attention can feel like genuine connection.
What Do Romance Scams Look Like?
Scammers typically reach out through:
- Dating apps
- Social media platforms
- Online games
- Support forums and chatrooms
Once contact is made, they build trust quickly. They may:
- Express love or deep emotional connection early on
- Ask to move conversations off-platform, such as to text or email
- Share elaborate stories that eventually lead to requests for money
They often ask for help with:
- Emergency expenses
- Travel costs to “visit”
- So called investment opportunities
With the rise of AI-generated photos, deepfake voices, and scripted chats, these scams can be alarmingly convincing.
Who Do They Target?
Scammers often prey on people who are:
- Widowed, recently divorced, or grieving
- Isolated from friends and family
- Looking for companionship
- Experiencing cognitive or memory decline
In some cases, scammers even search online obituaries to identify vulnerable individuals.
Why Don’t People Speak Up?
Victims often remain silent out of shame, fear, or concern they will be judged for being deceived. Others worry that admitting they were scammed could result in losing independence or control over their finances.
For some, the scammer has become their only regular social connection whether real or not.
“For people that are isolated, sometimes this is their only form of communication with someone and their only social outlet. So they rely on these scammers, even though it might be fake.”
– Glen Fishman, Elder & Dependent Adult Abuse Prevention Program
Red Flags to Watch For
Protection is not about avoiding people. It is about recognizing when something does not feel right.
Watch for:
- Rushed intimacy: declarations of love early on
- Suggest taking conversation “off line” using apps that don’t track texts and calls
- Money requests: especially repeated or escalating asks
- Financial entanglement: sharing accounts, sending gift cards
- Isolation: discouraging contact with friends or family
- Secrecy: pressure to keep the relationship private
If something feels off, it’s okay to trust your instincts.
“Just imagine that you thought you found love only to lose all your life-saving. People don’t want to say anything because they don’t want to be judged and they don’t want to lose independence.“
– Ali Chiu, Institute on Aging Elder and Dependent Adult Abuse Prevention Program
What You Can Do
If you suspect a romance scam:
- Do not send money or gifts
- Talk to someone you trust
- Keep evidence of chats, emails, usernames
- Report the situation, even if you are unsure
Report a Scam or Get Help
- San Francisco Adult Protective Services: 415-355-6700
- AARP Fraud Watch Network: aarp.org/fraudwatchnetwork
- Federal Trade Commission: reportfraud.ftc.gov
- IOA Elder and Dependent Adult Abuse Prevention Program: eap@ioaging.org
Scammers thrive in silence. Talking about these scams, without judgment, is one of the most effective ways to protect older adults and those who may be most vulnerable.
