My uncle, Jim, loves to work with his hands. For most of his life, he’s been an avid model builder, painter, and multi-talented craftsmen. He could sit at the kitchen table all day long, building, painting, and creating without even stopping for lunch.
A new and unfamiliar caregiver situation has the potential to be uncomfortable on all sides: for the caregiver, for your aging loved one, and for you. But what if there was a really clear picture heading into it about everything the aging adult needs, as well as the things they love to spend their time doing? When a new caregiver steps in to relieve a regular caregiver, a respite care plan allows that initial adjustment phase to be shortened, so the new caregiver and the aging adult are able to start getting to know each other in enjoyable ways immediately.
Caregivers have enormous amounts of responsibility when caring for an aging adult on a daily basis. But these responsibilities eventually boil down to two important issues: how to fill the day, and how to fill the day productively and meaningfully. Time, and the weight of it, balances with the responsibility to better the life of your charge. Whether you are a professional caregiver or a family member helping an older loved one, the issues are the same.
Since the death of his wife two years ago, George hadn’t been the same. He’d taken to sleeping most of the day, he withdrew from his cribbage club, and his appetite had all but disappeared.
Balance is something so many of us take for granted until we lose it. I realized this for the first time a few years ago when I was grocery shopping with my grandmother. After years of picking her up every Sunday so that she could get her food for the week, we’d settled into a nice little routine. I’d follow her around with the grocery cart while she buzzed about, gathering her favorite rye bread, European butter, and Hungarian salami.
In the past several months, Helen had started to notice a difference in her aging mother. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it was as if Ira, who lived alone in her apartment at age 84, was finally starting to show the effects of aging more dramatically.
“It seems like a long time since we’ve had something to argue about,” said Genevieve about her and her brother and sister. “Of course, we used to argue when we were kids. But now it’s like that all over again because we can’t seem to agree on much when it comes to decisions about Dad’s care. I can tell that we’re all caught up in emotions—a lot of different emotions.”
We may not always be aware of it, but our way of relating to life is dependent on our way of relating to time. Breakfast comes before lunch and dinner, for example. If we haven’t already shopped for food in preparation, we know we’ll have to take care of that need before those meals. On a deeper level, our past experiences help to develop our personalities, and they provide a context for how we relate to people, places, and things around us—and how we relate to ourselves.
I was helping my friend move into town recently, and for two days, we were unable to put the bed together because he had misplaced the special screws in the packing process. They were somewhere among the diverse piles of boxes. He was sure he’d stashed them in a safe place, but that fact didn’t make him feel any better during those two days of wondering and turning around and then wondering again.
Sometimes, the people who fall through the cracks aren’t the ones we’d necessarily expect to. But that’s how it has been for approximately 14,000 adults with middle-range incomes in San Francisco. These adults, some of whom are living with disabilities, face unique challenges when it comes to having access to the home care they need because their incomes surpass the federal poverty threshold, which disqualifies them from obtaining subsidized benefits, but they don’t make enough to pay for private home care.
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