Home Care

There’s nothing quite like coming home to a dog who’s literally jumping with joy to see you. Growing up, my family had two black labs who were just as much members of our family as everyone else. We treated them like queens, making sure they were always fed, petted, loved, and walked; they’d sleep on our beds, cuddle with us while watching TV, and accompanied us on trips to the park. And while caring for them was definitely a commitment, our dogs gave us back so much more than we could ever hope to give them.

Gary hated taking medication ever since he was a child—the thought of swallowing pills made him cringe. He grew to tolerate the ritual, however, when age brought with it a number of required prescriptions… but that didn’t mean he had to like it. And the amount of tablets seemed to increase as time passed: by the time he turned 65, Gary was up to 6 pills per day. When he found out he was supposed to add vitamins to that ever-growing list, he finally put his foot down. With the large pile of medications he already had to keep track of, Gary decided he didn’t need any more pills in his life.

Spring, even for places like the Bay Area that offer mild winters, feels like the world waking up, yawningly stretching itself from a cranky slumber. Even though we aren’t in an area where snowmelt reveals blooming crocuses, we feel renewed and refreshed. One of the main signs of spring is cleaning: opening the windows and kicking away the tired dust of a long winter. Spring cleaning is an annual tradition, both literally and metaphorically. It’s a time to start over, to energize yourself for the coming year. For the loved ones of older adults, it’s a great chance to help your aging loved one, and to get a better understanding of their situation.

Every Thursday, my brothers and sisters, our wives and husbands and kids, go over to my mom’s for dinner, a routine that was established before my dad died, but has been solidified in the years since then. Not everyone can make it every week, of course, but regardless of attendance, there is always a point where my mom says that her biggest fear is that we won’t all still hang out and see each other after she is gone, and lets us know that she has already taken care of everything related to her needs when she gets older. This is a slightly irrational fear—we’re not going to stop hanging out—but it speaks to a common and pervasive problem: the tension, anger, and outright dissolving acrimony that can develop when an aging loved one needs care, and the family doesn’t know how to handle it.